this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
