Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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