mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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