if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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