I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
