i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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