Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
