Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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