There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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