He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Randomize
