I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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