Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
