i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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