having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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