i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize