I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
