NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
