And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
