32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
