WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
