Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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