nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
be right there i have to get my cape
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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