You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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