Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
