So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
