I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
