Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
