4 words: hood of his car
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize