he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
