You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official drugs can't kill me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize