It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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