come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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