dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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