No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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