Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
