She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
