my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
