i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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