they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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