why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
