...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
