How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize