I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
