Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
