she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
