and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So much Jack, so little girl.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
