She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize