we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
