get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
