I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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