I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
