we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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