do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
