I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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