I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
