But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
