If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
