Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
