im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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