where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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