I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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