there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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