i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
