The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
