I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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