Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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