So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
