Moan for me like Helen Keller
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
