what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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