we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize