Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
