i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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