im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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