her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
