I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
