walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
